JPCSOULS

k so i was born august 24 1993 in a place called Winnipeg...

and then i met my mom..... >_<

So basically i groo up with her insanity... and angry demon spells, yelling, irrational decisions... and this made me very angry!!! so i defied her as much as i could!!

anyway... i was walking randomly some day with my brother going somewhere... wait.. i think it was to that slide thing near my house. and met jesse there. Some random events took place that involved the number 4, 6, 9, 2 and 3(and 6 again). anway i still didn't really know him he was just some random guy... and then in kindergarten i was like "wooo hi as if its yuo!"(well i didn't say that..

but before kindergarten i went to some pre-school thing when i was 4 years old where we played big bad wolf and got to where animal slippers that were very comfortable.

so kindergarden...... the teacher had some cat named Oreo, and my dad didn't like her that much... I learned about triangles, squares, circles, the color red, and other shapes.

the next year i was all happy and stuff because i was excited and hoped that there was as much work and play as there was last year!(no work, all play) so i was walking around on teh play structure and some guy landed on my face! it hurt! and i got made fun of for wearing a purple sweater by some grade 2 people(meanies), and then i think that was the day where i mooned the class for some reason... and so we drew pictures... and for some reason i remember jared drawing some star wars pictures... my favorite movie was phantom menace, beacuse it was insane adn weird.

my mom still yelled lots about stuff i don't rememeber. so i didn't wan tm my mom walking me to the bus stop anymore. i'm gonna quote myself exactly

-but mom, i'm a big kid now! i don't need you!

but she wouldn't listen. Often times i would go home, and try to open the door, but it would be locked, and my mom out cold watching movies on Bravo!(i think thats what it was called, but i might be wrong), so i just went to my neighbor (who was also named collin, but, note it, it had 2 Ls)'s house and we played games.

one time i didn't want to listen to my mom because she was telling me to take a shower because i had taken a poop earlier on the toilet, just after my dad had, who Might have used the toilet at his work. Basically, her logic was like this:

Dad MIGHT have used the bathroom at his work
and if he uses the toilet at the house when he gets home, and then if i or justin use the toilet after that... we have to take a shower, because dad MUST have put deadly aids (hey, it's a work place.. Everyone has aids, right?)onto the toilet seat, and showering was sure to defeat the hazardous disease that, wasn't there in the first place.

So anyway, i refused and then i was pinned to the ground and she was like

-I Hate you! I HATE YOU!!!

and so i was like Oh my gad!! and so i through a wooden train toy at her head! Blood! yeah, i'm that evil, because.. hehe.. i grinned. justin's friends would later refer to me as "the train man"

anyway... next year was grade 3. and i think this or the next year was the year where i got into 2 car accidents with my mom as the driver

1. she didn't break at a red light adn then yelling out "SHIT NO!!!!" and then BAM! and she came out crying to the driver and was like "PLEASE DON"T SUE ME!!" and stuff like that..

2. she backed up into a car at a red light.

oh and she was always driving with gloves on. and under those gloves,, she had KLEENEX. KLEENEX!!!

anyway... Anatol and Prisha came into the school and there was some stuff with roland victor and big snow mountain.. i don't really remember it all, but i rememebr seeing roland wakling down the stairs all angry and i was like "What happen ?" and he was like "victor won..." and i was like ok.... and also roland kicked his shoe up and it broke a light. oh and the grade 3-6 people had a diffrent lunch room... chocolate milk was the best, and still is in my opinion

oh and i threw and egg at my mom, and victor was a giraffe for halloween, who got his ass kicked(littarely) by the teacher, who like at the end of the year went to the hospital for some reason, so the grade 2 teacher just read us stories. I burned my first music disc, titled, "colin's Moosic"(moo, because i liked cows, and i played Diablo II. And so did Jordan)

in grade four, nothing happened, the teacher just stole my spelling book and blamed it on me(yeah, i was like, "wtf?" also), and i got sent to the hallway cuz i raised my hand to ask a question, and i was told that i was "fooling around". i burned a disc called "Colin's Moosic 2" and my mom broke it soon after, deeming that it was "illegal". Even though in canada, you CAN get the music, you just can't make money off of it, and you can use it for your personal use only. oh and DJ came to school, and so did jessica morris.(>_<). wait.. did i say nothing happened? sill me... :S

grade 5 was nice... even though i couldn't understand what the teacher was saying, because he talked really fast... basically, my mom kept yelling and being angry... and one time i tried to explain to my teacher how backwards, retarded and lame her logic was, and how she was damn near impossible to live with!( i should be doing my math homework now, but i understand the material so i don't want to) but my mom quickly blamed it all on justin, to save her face.. grr i was so angry so i tried to jump out a window on the top floor of my house because life was just terrible. after 2 hours of trying to figure out how to get the door open, i finally did, and there i was on the roof of my house... but then i was like, "well, what if this doesn't kill me? i've seen higher drops, so i just went to burger king with my dad and brother.. a whopper jr was all i could fit in my stomach at that time, it was my limit. so anyway, for my 11th birthday i wish to be "Without Limits"...

wait, did i say grade 5 was nice, adn then outright contradict myself in the next few lines? hahha

anyway, in grade 6 i wasn't as suicidal, (well, actually, not at all) and we had mr dedieu(did i mention that in grade four the teacher made a sex joke over the intercom? but i won't go into details, because this info doesn't really fit here at all), and he was lots of fun, and it seemd that the grade 5 teacher(mr dilk) always copied his assigments to use on the grade 5 class! so anyway he endded up becomeing a cop half way through the year and everyone was crying... so we had some other guy as the teacher who thought i was all cool except for the first day with him. and so later he left and mme ross was all cool and stuff and so we just played games.. and during "graduation" from HB, mr dedieu was there and we all wrote random poems and other stuff a bunch of people's were just how the year was... and stuff. my song/poem thing that i wrote, all though it rhymed, didn't make any sense at all("Not quite straight face? What is that?") Anyway jesse has all that stuff in his house. Also, there was colin's moosic 3 and 4, which i think were both destroyed.. (and my mom still hadn't changed)... and then i got all pissed off.

that summer(that was the transition between grade 6 and 7):

*Phone Rings*

Me: Hello?
Unfamiliar voice: Is your mom there?
Me: Uhm... who's this?
Unfamiliar voice: I'm one of her friends...

Colin, how would you react if mom and dad got divorced?
-Justin Gaudry

You mean, i wouldn't have to look at her face again? =D
-Colin Gaudry

a few weeks later..

"Colin, your mom and i have decided, that we don't love each other anymore, and we are going to be having a divorce."

I looked at my dad and was like "Well, Hi dad!" =D, under the impression that she was gone from my life, and that my life would suck no longer.

Well, as history has shown, nothing could have been further from the truth.

My mom still lived with my dad for a little while, because she was making preparations to leave, while still her same absurd and dangerous to live with, self. Still these bizarre calls continued.

-Is your mom there?

His name was Jeff Stein. Although my mom denied the fact that she really was in a relationship with this jew, they talked for hours per day on the phone...

anyway, grade 7..

random parent-teacher interview with mr brunel, who was my grade 7 teacher.. the only people from hb in my class were devon and dj. I did stupid clumsy things, and mr brunel got angry, and it was as simple as that.

Or was it..?

Nope. It wasn't. Well there were a bunch of people that i ended up getting to know, because i got all introduced to all of them by dustin ross... anyway, stephane was really annoying, and dustin (both of em) were equally lame, and so was ben...And my mom hadn't changed either. She had a new house(well, a town-house, her hosue number and last 2 numbers on her liscence plate were 23!! my God 23! oh!

so i went on gamesinfinite a bunch of times... and i even made my own site that was almost as popular, which included a bunch of cursors and icons that were usable on the computers at school! they included lightsabers, even animated ones, and zorro ones, there was even spider-man at some point, and basically everyone i knew had downloaded some(mainly the lightsabers) and to this day i still see people using them! hahaha! Trogdor strikes again!

so grade 8... i had most of the people who were in jordan's class last year, in my class(half the people in my class were in that class), and through the year i ended up becoming friends with most of them(ok, fine, half.) there were lots of random projects where we had to say stuff in front of the class(like book reports) and nicole milani's presentations where unbelievably funny...even the teacher laughed. Nothing she said made sense.(Did i mention there was a ski trip in grade 7? well, there isn't anything more to know about it then that)

So eventually there was Pioneer camp which was sweet... had the Shultzinator(or GI Shultz depending on what your religious views are) was the guy in the cabin first time... and that day cameron nault (he was in my grade 7 class), mooned mr brunelle, and he was like(when translated into english from french using the translator at www.freetranslation.com):

Cameron Nault! One does not want to see your buttocks. (my brothers playing star wars on the guitar while im writing this) oh and i watched loose change at some point and i was like OMG!!!!!

lots of awkward discussions in the cabins late at night...
when we went to the island(i'm getting a phone call from IT'S THE JEW, which is what the caller ID says whenever Jeff Stein Phones, but i tend not to answer it. w/e, if he phones again, i'll answer it) there was no(k he phoned again, well it was really my mom, she's just at his house, he lives in saskatoon. and if you're american, you should know that that's in saskatchewen, and so my brother picked up the phone and answered it too, so i just hung up and let him deal with it) teacher inside the cabin, so me, devon, tyler, jesse, christian, kyle(well, he was asleep, but tyler and me had fun smacking him!), had some odd and awkward discussions(mainly tyler and devon talking about british chicks, knees, and other rnadom stuff like that. at this time devon was done going out with aria and so he was desperate enough to go out with jenifer butler, wait a minute, why is this in brackets?)and he liked breana gibson... musso, some guy(named tyler, but that's a joke, don't take it seriously), and some other people

then at some time mr brunelle came in and said this(when translated using the same method as last time....):

What done estce that you the gas? This is 1:30 AM and I want to sleep. Stop to speak!

then at some point we all went back to beliveau

wow i'm missing so much vital information. My mom came on the bus and was like "Colin you need to put a sock on your fishing rod! and she brought a sock on the bus for everyone to see and laugh at. She was waving when she got off and i just laughed... she was still the same mostly... but it was easier going to her house, since all she did was sleep, do logic puzzles or talk to jeff, and for the most part, had little to do with me. =D. i had also gained the liberty to decide when i visited her, and only went(and still only go) so that i am still part of her life until the inveitable wedding of the joo so i can video tape it and send it those wanting it(basically, all my friends)

Later, like a month after pioneer camp:

Me: Paul(esteves):, My mom, is going engaged, to the jew!
Paul: Alright attaboy!

Then he immediately tells even, who tells kyle, and they all tell everyone, until all of grade 9(and some grade 10, because, well, Mark Ducket, well i don't even know how to spell that), and teachers know about that too... and now i try at every chance i get to get a picture, audio recording, or actual video, of Jeff Stein, because i never really proved that he is real, only stated it, and one day, people will know.

i guess i sorta incorperated grade 9 into that last paragraph. anway .. speaking of grade 9...

lotsa new teachers.. credits(crap, i have to try now), and yeah, even mr landry knows about the wedding of the jew, mainly because lee told him today, and way.. grade nine... it's nice!! i rarely see my mom... just enough though so that i am still welcome at the wedding to take enough video for your eyes to see! oh and when my moms not talking on the phone to jeff (if she's at here place in WPG), doing logic puzzles(one time she yelled out "WHAT'S 7x4??",), or passed out on the couch, or on the bed (well, she usually sleeps on the floor now, and lives on the floor, because she got rid of the couch), she's her same old self. I still despise her, and feel the same way about her that stewie does about his mom.